April The Giraffe Is EVERY Pregnant Woman Being Asked, "Have You Had the Baby Yet?"
We’ve all been there. So pregnant you can barely move, wondering if you will ever see your feet again, googling “longest pregnancy in history”. Wanting to just be left alone so you can relax and wait for this miracle to happen already, dammit. We feel you, girl.
We also sympathize with your desire to take out an ad in the paper, hire a blimp, or get a tattoo on your forehead proclaiming, “NO, I HAVE NOT HAD THE BABY YET!” You want to scream, “If I had, I would have said something” or point out that if you'd had the baby and not mentioned it, perhaps it was because you wished for PRIVACY. But instead you politely sing-song, “Not yet, any day now!” and hope they leave it at that.
But they never do.
There is the obligatory comment that he can’t stay in there forever, followed by helpful hints on how to get that baby out. "April, have you tried spicy food?" "You need to walk more, April." "Why is no one bringing Daddy Giraffe in for some sexy time?" We all know that in addition to bringing on your labour, sex while inflated to three times your normal size is super enjoyable and not awkward at all...
Then come the horror stories. Frank’s sister was pregnant for a full year and gave birth to a child who could crawl. Susan had to be induced and was in labour for two weeks before needing the jaws of life and a tow truck to finally get that baby out. These are exactly what you want to hear when you are about to give birth.
And you know it's partly your own fault. You were so excited to post that, “Today is my due date, any day now!” Facebook status, weren’t you? Not many of us set up a live feed to announce our impending birth, but you do you, April. You were blissfully unaware when you made this announcement that it would be an invitation to the Spanish Inquisition.
So, April, we’ve got your back. Take your time. Put your hooves up and have a cup of tea. Pretend like the world is not asking, “Have you had the baby yet?” We’ve been there. We get it.
Every heavily pregnant mom everywhere.
(Image via YouTube/AnimalAdventurePark)