Forgive Me Fellow Parents, For I Have Sinned
Forgive me fellow parents, for I have sinned.
It has been 10 days since my son’s last solid bowel movement. And I sent him to daycare.
Committing the cardinal sin, I sent a sick kid to daycare, and while I know it is wrong, I did it nonetheless.
Bring on the hate, I can take it, and I know I deserve it. But I, like many parents who admitted to doing the same thing when I sought advice, had no choice.
Winter stinks. Maybe it’s because I don’t ski or skate and hate the bottoms of my pants being soaked by grey sludge and I hate the feeling of frozen nose hair and wind cutting through my bones. Or maybe it’s because I’m afraid of losing my job due to the incessant illness this evil season brings upon our kids and ourselves.
I know that this is totally judgment worthy. But I also know many parents do it, and that they, like my husband and I, have to pick the lesser of two evils: Send a sick kid to daycare or risk losing the employment that allows us to feed said kid.
Employers can be understanding of needing to miss work for children’s illnesses (though many are not) but even the best employer will get frustrated when it’s the third day in one week, or, if I was a single parent these last two weeks, the 7th day in 2 weeks. I am lucky enough to have my husband to share the shouldering of kids’ sick days. I can’t even imagine what a single parent with little to no support would do.
My son has no fever. He is in good spirits. What he has is an upset belly that doesn’t seem to want to get better. By daycare standards, he should be kept home until he’s been better for 24 hours. By my standards, if he’s on day 10 of an upset belly and otherwise fine, he has to go to daycare because neither my husband nor I can afford to tick off our bosses anymore. We are both in new jobs. We don’t have family who is currently able to help. It is our only choice.
I realize this is going to get me flack and judgment and debate and finger pointing. I realize people are going to say ‘you’re the reason my kid gets sick. I can’t afford to miss work either!’ ‘why does your family take precedence over mine?!?’ And they are all fair questions. And awful though it sounds, my answer ultimately is that I need to make sure my kids are fed. I need to make sure my husband and I keep our jobs.
Day one, I will keep my child home to protect yours and help him get better. If my child is sneezing and feverish and miserable, I will keep him home as long as possible. But I’ll further admit that if I can drug him so that he’s healthy and happy for a part of the day, after day one or two I’ll probably try that and drop him at daycare and pray I don’t get the call to pick him up.
Many parents will judge this. Many more will admit, probably only to themselves, that they would do, have done and will do the same thing.
I admit my sin. I feel guilty. But I will have to repent rather than recant. I'll have to ask for forgiveness rather than permission.
We held out as long as we could, keeping my son home for 3 days the same week my daughter was home sick for one. It's the dirty little secret no one likes to admit, but I will.
I can only hope that the recent Supreme Court decision that forces companies to accommodate necessary child care accommodations opens the door to parents being allowed to use their sick days for their children. But until employers are forced to be okay with employees missing multiple days of work to care for sick children, parents like me will continue to be forced to send them with a bug and pray for the best, and ask for forgiveness.
Leslie is the mother of one year old Zachary and three year old Abigail. When not feeding and bathing and cleaning and giggling she is a journalist with a passion for writing and sharing her opinions on and experiences with parenting, with no holds barred.