Think Your Pet is Your Child? It's Not. Take This Quiz to Find Out Why

Sorry pet parents, fur babies are not the same as kids

Fur Baby.

Four-legged children.

Pet Parents.

These are just some of the expressions used to denote the parental relationship we have with the special animals in our lives. If you ask someone how many children they have, you may get an answer like, “Five. Michael, Stephanie, Patches, Snickerdoodle, and Mr. Fuzzy Buns.”

Whether your pets are in fact your children can be hard to determine. Dogs are lovable, and kids can be feral. The distinction is sometimes difficult to make.

Are you looking at your furry friend right now, wondering if they're actually your child?

Take this handy quiz to find out!

 

1) If you give your pet the blue cup instead of the red, do they kick, scream, and tell you that you’re the worst parent who ever lived?

If no, give yourself no points. If yes, give yourself 1 point.

 

2) Cut your pet’s food in half lengthwise. What was their reaction?

If they lapped it up as usual, give yourself no points. If they collapsed dramatically on the floor because their sandwich was shaped like rectangles not triangles, give yourself one point.

 

3) You go to the movies and leave your pet home alone.

If no one thinks twice, give yourself no points. If the police show up at your door, give yourself 1 point.

 

4) Does your pet ask you “Why?” a minimum of 750 times a day?

If no, give yourself no points. If yes, give yourself 1 point (and 2 Advils).

 

5) Have you ever had to make a last minute run to Staples for bristol board and glue for a project that your pet forgot was due the next day?

If no, give yourself no points. If yes, give yourself 1 point (and a pat on the back, because that is seriously impressive).

 

6) Have you ever sat at the table with your pet, trying to remember how to do 6th-grade math, and pretending that any of this will ever be relevant even though you and your pet both know the deal?

If no, give yourself no points. If yes, give yourself 1 point (and a stiff drink, you’ve earned it). 

 

7) Do you find yourself up at night wondering if you are raising your pet right, and worrying about if they will grow up to be a good person, a productive member of society, get a good job and a happy relationship, and do amazing things with their life?

If no, give yourself no points. If yes, give yourself 1 point (and a serious look at yourself).

 

8) Has your pet ever had their heart broken by another pet, causing you to sob over how mean pets can be to other pets and reflect back on how awful it felt when you were a young pet and pets teased you too?

If—wait, WHAT? Give yourself no points. If yes, give yourself 1 point (and maybe a trip to the doctor).

 

Time to tally the results:

If you have no points, congratulations! You have amazing little creatures that are not your children but still fill your heart with love and enrich your life in so many ways. You recognize that even though you love them fiercely, and would do almost anything for them, having a pet is not like having children, and you are okay with that. You understand that the love for a pet can be incredibly strong and that there is no judgment against people who care so intensely for their animals, you just get that calling a pet an actual child is sort of ridiculous.

If you have any points whatsoever, your pet may actually be your child. Whilst this is more than a little worrying, we guess it doesn’t really hurt anyone. We promise to look the other way if you continue to do so. At least until they start college . . .

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